After reading the story “Marriage is a Private Affair” it made me see how sad I will be to have your own father disown you for marrying someone he did not like. Reading this story, it reminded me of my uncle. I know this blog is on our parent’s views about us marrying someone they did not approve of but my uncle lived with me for ten years, he was almost my second dad. My parents will not get in the way of me marrying who I want. They will be behind me in whatever I choose, they will give me advice to try to help me out or what they think but they will never stop me from marrying whoever I want. They would keep talking to me and never disown me. But I cannot help to think of what my uncle would say and how he will never accept it. A few years ago, he told me to my face that if I marry someone who is not Mexican or is not in our religion that he will never accept him and that he will disown me as his niece. I am very close to my family and to have my uncle say that he will disown me if I married someone he did not approve of, it like broke my heart. We cannot tell who we will marry or who we fall in love for but to have someone tell you that they will disown you from the family for that it is a huge slap in the face. Just by me having a friend who is outside of my race, my uncle is very mean to them. At times he ignores them like if they were never there. If I was to bring a guy who is outside my race to my house everyone will accept him but my uncle. It is wrong that someone would do that to a family member. For my uncle, he will disown me for marrying someone outside my race and religion. He will not talk to me and I also think he will say things to me and my husband.
I have not been in a relationship with someone outside of my race, religion yes but I do not really have boyfriends. Like when I was in high school I had a boyfriend he was Mexican and Christian. My whole family is Catholic. I brought him to meet my family and the very first question my uncle asked him was his religion and my boyfriend at the time had said his Christian. My uncle got so mad that he told him to get out of the house and never come back. I thought that was so disrespectful because to my eyes what is so wrong with a different religion. I did not talk to my uncle for about a month. My boyfriend at the time did not want to be with me with a crazy uncle like that. My uncle believes his own thing, even his wife does not approve of what he does. He still lives with me and if one day I fall in love with someone who is outside my race and or religion as long as my parents, my brothers and sister accept him then that is all should matter. I say that because no one should tell me who and who I cannot marry.
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As far as it comes to religion I do believe is should be taken into consideration about who we choose to marry. I see where you are coming from in not discriminating one based on their beliefs. However I do believe it is a very critical thing that should be considered when in a relationship with someone or when in marriage. I myself am not married so I would not be able to say this from experience but I have heard of people who have had issues when they marry with different views. As far as it goes with your uncle, I can see that he is trying to look out for you. However I do not believe that it is his place to judge but since you mention how close you are with him I can see why it would have such a big impact on you. Overall he should trust that you are a woman smart enough to make her own decisions and that you are able to discern the character of the man you choose. After all it is our life and no one is really able to judge the way another lives their life we all have free will to do what we want with discretion of course.
ReplyDeleteThis is interesting. I can really relate to what you are saying. My parents are very open minded about who I date. My happiness and well being all that is really important to them in the long run. Even though my dad would like for me to marry someone that is our religion he would never disown me for dating someone who is not. I think it’s mostly an issue of having it be easier for me when it comes to raising children, if that were to be an issue. However. my uncle is a lot like yours! He is not for interracial dating and doesn’t really look nicely upon other religions, He isn’t as extreme as your uncle but he will definitely make his opinion about it know, which can just make it difficult. But I know that if I decided to marry someone that he didn’t necessarily approve of he would put his feelings aside to support me. It’s sad that your uncle can’t realize that it is ultimately your choice who you are with. He should realize that as long as you are happy and are being treated well then that’s all that is really important/ If your parents aren’t even objecting at all then he should just let it be.
ReplyDeleteI think you should marry whomever you wish regardless of race or religion. Although, there can be some conflict when it comes to religion only because there might be a difference as to lifestyle choices and how children are raised. I wonder if you spoke with your uncle to gain some insight as to why he feels the way he does could some sort of change occurred in his opinion. I think that people who limit themselves to one to only what they know and what they are used to are not allowing themselves the opportunity to open their minds and discover what the world has to offer. I can almost understand why you don’t have boyfriends in the back of your mind your probably worried about your uncle running him off. I say stick to your guns and as long as you accept him then everyone else should as well.
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